Standing Still

There's nothing too exciting to report. Our meeting is this Wednesday and I find myself twiddling my thumbs waiting for it to get here. I'm going through the every day motions of working and living my life. I started reading the much talked about Fifty Shades trilogy. (All I have to say about that is OH MY.) However, my mind is a thousand miles away.  I've read the adoption book from cover to cover and back again. I don't know what I'm looking for exactly. The information is the same and I know when I go through the steps I will refer back to the chapters. Sometimes I feel like I don't absorb the words I see in front of me.

I think there's a defense mechanism lurking in the shadows.

That crazy little voice in my head says "Don't get too excited." My heart hurts when I go down that route. I'm always enthusiastic when it comes to my choices. I just can't help it. However, the wait to find information first hand so we can make the momentous decision to go forward is some sort of agony. If I were waiting for a home study appointment or waiting to be chosen it might be different because I would feel like I had done everything I could. Right now we are still, waiting to make a move. I hate that. My head says Caution while my heart screams JUST GO.

I never thought of myself as an impulsive person but the older I get the more I trust my go with the flow nature. Sometimes it's a battle, like right now. I'm fighting the urge to run to the future with open arms, to hell with caution. Then the rational voice comes back saying "You must do this slowly. Do not get too excited. Walk then run."

I know the next few days I will be counting down the minutes to Wednesday. I know I will go through work, life, maybe some more Fifty Shades like nothing is happening. Like I am not at the edge of a great decision, waiting for the pieces to fall into place.

I hate being so darn practical!!