Deep Down

Hey all.

Well it's November. I'd love to tell you that we have moved forward in our adoption plan but we are standing very still. And it's killing me.

Things have been so crazy in our life and my head is still spinning. We had a major renovation that took three months to complete. The longest three months of my life, by the way. John has been struggling with some issues (non-adoption related). We went to our information meeting and it was fantastic. But the renovation took over our lives and we really needed a breather. So much stress was hitting us all at once. We've been back in the house now for a few weeks and it feels great.

However....

Now that life is starting to calm down I find myself thinking of our future baby. I know he or she is out there, waiting for the right time to come into out lives. But it just breaks my heart knowing that the right time is far away. I've been praying for patience. I've been praying for the strength to trust fate, to trust that life will happen the way it's supposed to be.

Some days it gets easier. Other days it hurts deep down. So deep I don't know where the bottom is.

What's wrong with me? How do I get past this.